The idea of getting divorced tends to immediately predispose individuals to become fearful of change, fearful of backlash, and fearful of the unknown territories ahead. It is at this point the process can begin the path to trauma, intense cost, damage to co-parenting, and long-drawn-out battles. You have a choice to do this another way! But first, why does this happen?
Often, the person wanting the divorce first consults with an attorney to learn how to go about this process and protect themselves, their finances, parental rights, etc. This action is promoted by fear and the spiral begins. Attorneys are ethically bound to zealously protect their clients. That means they want you to use their path, be cautious, and not mess up or harm your case. They will tell you to not speak to your spouse because they don’t want you making agreements or statements that can be used against you.
So out of fear you form this allegiance with a total stranger and trust that they only have your best interest in mind. You stop trusting your own judgement and religiously follow the steps they tell you are required for your safety. On the other hand, the spouse finding out that the other is seeking divorce follows the same process with intensified fear. They are behind in the game. They go to an attorney as well and the spiral of fear continues.
Litigated divorces on average take a year. Both spouses will provide approximately $3,000 to $5,000 each, up front, just to begin the process. They are trustful of a system that will pit them against one another and forget that they ever cared about each other or had a friendship. The idea promoted is that you cannot talk to the enemy. Fear abounds throughout this process and normally kind and caring people become cunning, devious, suspicious, paranoid, and protective of things that they never thought about. Suddenly what I need and must have becomes crucial and I am willing to get my and your lawyer into a control battle, which will be quite costly and do more damage. WHY? FEAR!
This process tears us up. It tears up our finances. It tears up our kids and families.
It doesn’t have to be that way. The first step can be to go to a professional trained MEDIATOR to help both spouses figure out what to do, what the next step is, and how to do it in a way which is in both parties best interest. A Mediator helps guide you through the process so that you can decide on your future based on your real and unique circumstances, and helps you come up with a plan that is doable and practical. A Mediator does not support fear; rather, a neutral Mediator helps guide you to talk to each other and make responsible decisions. Mediate instead of litigate to stop the spiral of fear.
Dr. Jeri Breiner is a Neutral Mediator and a Clinical Psychologist, who provides both parties with the tools needed to execute an equitable divorce agreement, unique to their family’s circumstances. After hundreds of mediations, Dr. Breiner’s goal remains the same: to help spouses avoid the pitfalls, trauma, and expense of litigating their divorce in court.
To learn more and for a free consultation, contact Dr. Jeri Breiner, Mediator at 678-985-8858 or go to their website at www.AtlantaDivorceMediationServices.com.