LOVE COUPLES: Long-Married Couples Dish Secrets to Success

Want to live longer? Stay married.

Studies consistently show married people tend to live longer than unmarried people, with research suggesting a mortality advantage of roughly 10-15 percent, though the effect is strongest for happy marriages. In the U.S., only about one in 10 marriages reaches a 50th anniversary. The longest on record was Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher at 86 years. Of course, marrying early in the teens helps.

What these eight featured local long-married couples (averaging 57 years) celebrate is their ability to compromise and maintain a good sense of humor. Patty Brown recalled, “On our honeymoon, we were entering our hotel, key in hand, when a few couples passed us in the hallway. Larry loudly said to me, ‘And how much do you charge?’ The couples in the hallway screamed with laughter as I stood there. Larry thought he was the coolest!”

Fifty-two years later, Patty still thinks Larry is “the coolest.”
Jeff VanTosh describes Jill after 59 years as still “hot,” but with mostly “hot flashes.”

Storied veterinarian Jay Empel heralds back 54 years where, “Elise and I went to a bar near Buckhead. I bet I could pick up a girl before someone approached her. It was cold, and I went to check her coat. When I came back, she was already dancing and schmozing. The bar was Uncle Sam’s.”

Marriage is a beautiful thing: two people, one chuppah, and 400 opinions from the relatives. It’s like the High Holidays: lots of apologizing, a bit of fasting during arguments, and everyone’s glad when it’s over, and the food comes.

Susan and Billy Silver

66 years
July 3, 1960
Susan’s parents’ backyard in Connecticut

How you met:
Susan: Blind date in New York City while I was living there.
Billy: I was going to NYC for a vacation before starting medical school and a friend gave me his girlfriend’s name, so she would introduce me to some of her friends to date. Since she did not know me, I was embarrassed to ask her to get me a date, so I just asked her to  go out with me.

What was the initial attraction?
Susan: He was very pleasant and easy to talk to. And he took me to a Yankees baseball game.
Billy: She was very pretty, smart, neat, and was willing to go out with me on a low budget.

Secret to a happy marriage?
Susan: Be quiet and very strong.
Billy: Make sure each partner supports the ambitions of the other with respect.

Jill and Jeff Van Tosh

59 years
Dec. 26, 1966
Ahavath Achim Synagogue

How you met:
Jill: Jeff’s friend set us up on a blind date. Said he knew a “hot” Jewish girl on the north side of town.

What was the initial attraction?
Jill: I had never met a Jersey boy before.
Jeff: Her mother was beautiful.

Secret to a happy marriage:
Jill: So much humor.
Jeff: We are so opposite, it makes each day an adventure. She’s still “hot,” but more like hot flashes.

Linda and Abram Estroff

59 years
Jan. 22, 1967
Ahavath Achim Synagogue

How you met:
Linda: We met on a blind date fixed up by my first cousin and his mother who went to the same hair salon in Orlando, Fla.
Abram: Made a long-distance telephone call for a blind date introduced through family.

What was the initial attraction?
Linda: I liked his voice when he called to ask me out but never imagined such a handsome blind date would come through the door. He was easy to talk to, and I felt totally relaxed with him.
Abram: When I arrived for our date, I was greeted by the most beautiful girl in my 25 years. I wanted to ask her to marry me on the first date but waited until our fourth date.

Secret to a happy marriage?
Linda: Our partnership is one of trust, loyalty, integrity, and the ability to compromise. Also, you continue to love and value each other every day.
Abram: Learn how to say, “You are right, I am wrong, I love you.”

Linda and Richard Bressler

57 years
April 23, 1969
Ahavath Achim Synagogue

How you met:
Linda: We were both at a Young Democrats event where Peter, Paul and Mary were performing at the Love Estate, how telling!
Richard: We (the guys) weren’t there for the politics. We were just looking for girls, and it worked.

What was the initial attraction?
Linda: I was attracted to Richard because he was a “Jewish bad boy,” wearing tight jeans and a white T-shirt … so handsome and cool.
Richard: The same two things that attract all Bressler men, brains and beauty. Her 1964 Mustang convertible also helped.

Secret to a happy marriage?
Linda: We have been together since high school, so we have grown up together, share the same memories, priorities and he is still the one who is my better half, still the one who makes me laugh, still the one I dream about and we’re still having fun.
Richard: You don’t have to be right all the time. You actually may be right, but don’t insist upon it.

Michal and Jack Hillman

54 Years
Dec. 27, 1971
Montgomery, Ala. | Temple Beth Or

How you met:
Jack: At the University Center Cafe at Tulane University. I was a junior and she was an incoming freshman. The freshmen always arrived early, so my Sigma Alpha Mu brothers also arrived on campus early to meet the new freshman girls. Michal was sitting with another girl and two of my fraternity brothers, so I pulled up a chair and introduced myself.

What was the initial attraction?
Jack: She was a knockout and her personality was so outgoing and spirited. And she was so positive and determined.
Michal: I was an impressionable freshman, and he was a studly junior!

Secret to a happy marriage?
Jack: Therapy and trying to understand where the other person might be coming from in all discussions.
Michal: Never go to sleep angry! Kiss and make up!

Elise and Jay Empel

54 Years
March 19,1972
Birmingham, Ala. | Pine Tree Country Club

How you met:
Jay: We were introduced the first time at a fraternity party at the University of Georgia. I was a senior at Georgia and Elise was a senior at Shades Valley High School in Birmingham. Many friends tried to encourage us to go out over the next few years. It evidently worked.
 
What was the initial attraction?
Elise: I thought Jay was handsome.
Jay. I thought Elise was beautiful and would never be interested in me.

Secret to a happy marriage:
Elise: I realize that I am not always right, and Jay is more reasonable and understanding.
Jay: Try not to go to bed angry. This may be difficult at times!

Terri and Laury Began

53 years
June 10, 1973
Shearith Israel Synagogue

How you met:
Terri: We actually don’t remember where we first met (must not have been love at first sight!). We started dating at Camp Barney Medintz; and our entire life since then has been a love affair with each other and with camp!

What was the initial attraction?
Laury: She was cute, she was smart and had a radiance and energy that I could not resist.
Terri: Everything, I was totally smitten and still am!

Secret to a happy marriage?
Laury: Listening, cuddling, and having fun together. Surround yourself with friends and family and involve yourselves in community.
Terri: From day one, be open to growing and changing together. Become the individual people and the couple you were meant to be. It’s a great journey!

Patty and Larry Brown

52 years
Sept. 28, 1974
Cincinnati, Ohio | Adath Israel Synagogue

How you met:
Patty: At a neighbor’s birthday celebration. Because I had an August birthday, they added
my name to the cake. I had just moved to Atlanta and was introduced to Larry that evening.
Larry: Some girls I knew invited me to a party and a friend introduced us.

What was the initial attraction?
Patty: Larry was kind and simply authentic. He showed a genuine interest. I felt a connection and was hoping he would call me for a date.
Larry: I was taken by her beauty.  She was and is a beautiful woman inside and out.

Secret to a happy marriage:
Patty: Not one magical thing. Building a friendship, showing kindness, making
intelligent daily choices, talking through issues without judgment (which is not always easy) and doing random nice things for one another. Hearing the words, “I love you,” is always a beautiful thing.
Larry: Compromise, being a good listener, and knowing each other’s likes and dislikes.