Birthday Dilemma

If it is true, that 50 is the new 40, then why in the world would we need a plethora of advice reminding us (women) we are over 50, as if we don’t know it, and as if no generation before us ever turned 50? A different, less stressful 50, no doubt.
I never heard my mom, or anyone else’s mom, claim to be the new 40, when they were 50.

They all knew how to do their hair and their makeup. They were perfectly capable of choosing their own style of clothes. Well actually, my mom had a standing appointment at the beauty shop across the street.

What in the world happened to us for goodness sakes? Do we really need all this free advice?

How to dress after 50? Hairstyles for women after 50?

Diets that REALLY work for women after 50? Are the others just scams?

Make up tricks for women after 50? Eyebrows to make women look younger than 50? Seriously?

How to discover my true self after 50? Had I known I was lost, I would have searched in my 20s, which must have been the new teens!

A new lipstick for women over 50 – no bleeding! UGH.

AARP The Magazine sent a “team of top-flight photographers all over the planet to show how life has changed” for people over 50. And your point is what exactly?

ENOUGH I say. Do they (whoever they are) think we went dumb or stark raving mad when we hit that number 50?

My hubby and I subscribe to a wide variety of magazines. We are avid readers of their words of wisdom and folly. I am completely befuddled as to why Sports Illustrated, Time, Newsweek, Travel, Forbes, Fortune, Wired, GQ, to name just a few, would see the need to address women over 50 with the tricks on how to maintain their inner beauty and health, their outer beauty and youth, sometimes with fashion forward suggestions.

People magazine is my very own “bible.” It’s the only time I get to feel the joy of a voyeur. Besides, the articles are the perfect length for a stop in the loo.

Lo and behold they also feel the need for “helping” us deal with the perplexing “over 50” dilemma. Seriously, 50 is a dilemma?

Please I beg of you enough already; I am developing whiplash turning from these words of wisdom to those words of wisdom, and back again.

I admit I read these enlightening, sometimes frustrating articles, and stare at the photos of all these 50 and over survivors. After all, I don’t want to be left in the lurch; would you?

Now, truth be told, I have chosen to remain in my 50s for as long as the lie holds up, or until I hear folks giggling while pointing their index fingers at me behind my back.

I take my lie so seriously I take my shoes off at the airport. I don’t ask for senior discounts, and I shave years off my children’s ages. For me it is a small price to pay in order maintain my self-possession.

Am I thankful for every birthday to date? Of course. However, I choose my own number. It’s my right, my privilege.

No further explanation or discussion required!