Caregiver Husband Writes His Poignant Book
Matt Ames leaned on his Jewish faith to navigate the treacherous road of caregiving.
After 37 years with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and now with the AJT, , Jaffe’s focus is lifestyle, art, dining, fashion, and community events with emphasis on Jewish movers and shakers.
For Atlanta lawyer Matt Ames and his family, July 2, 2019, began as a normal day … until a phone call changed everything. His irrepressible wife, Liz, was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of high grade appendiceal cancer.
And with that, their life was upended. Now four years later, Matt‘s book, “Through the Impossible-Lessons in Caregiving,” is available to help others.
In an instant, Matt and Liz were in the daunting maze of cancer care, which included nonstop tests, conflicting medical opinions, worst-case-scenarios, invasive treatments, and a 13-hour surgery that took Liz to the brink and back. All followed by a three-week hospitalization and brutal recovery.
Matt Ames is from North Miami, and Liz is from Newnan. They met as young attorneys. Until that phone call, they were living their dream life of travel and adventure, enjoying time with their two young boys. With the diagnosis, Matt Ames found himself thrust into a role he never could have imagined: caregiver to his wife — while also trying to care for their kids and continue his law practice.
The Ames’s quickly decided that for the wellbeing of their boys, they would keep things at home as normal as possible.
“Even though I was being pulled in several directions, I always found a way to spend real time with them. We prioritized making them feel safe and loved,” recalled Matt.
Although Liz’s surgery was a success, once they returned home, they quickly realized their journey wasn’t over. Liz would face additional chemotherapy, treatments and ongoing monitoring, numerous scans, and bloodwork. The overhang of cancer remained.
“The survivor and caregivers can’t just pick things up and continue on the tried-and-true path,” said Liz. “No – they are released into the wild. Everything is unfamiliar, and questions abound.”
Through painful lessons of trial and error and leaning heavily on his Jewish faith, Matt found his way. The life hacks and lessons he was using to guide his family through a crisis became the blueprint for a more authentic, fulfilling life — even in the face of uncertainty. And now, more than four years after that phone call, their journey continues.
“We now live with a sense of urgency to make lasting memories with our kids and each other,” he said. “It can be frightening and stressful at times, but there is a certain beauty to it as well.” Another thing Matt Ames has learned is that caregivers can be an overlooked bunch. While there are abundant resources available for the patient, Matt found very little that spoke to his vantage point.
Also, more than half of all caregivers are women. As a young father serving as caregiver to a patient with an exceedingly rare disease, Matt found himself in a lonely minority.
In the wee hours, Matt began journaling as a form of therapy and stress relief. What emerged is a raw and heartfelt telling of their story with tips and strategies for caregiving from a husband who’s been through it.
Then there is tikkun olam. Since her diagnosis, Liz has served on cancer-related boards and mentored other appendix cancer patients. She and Matt are currently raising money to fund a rooftop garden at the newly constructed Emory Winship Cancer Institute building in Midtown to provide daylight and comfort for the next generation of patients — and their caregivers.
With this book, Matt hopes to provide guidance to other caregivers. Because, as Matt says, “It is an underserved bunch that deserves a voice.” He plans to tour the Southeast, with a focus on synagogues, independent bookstores, and cancer-related events.
Ames’ book, “Through the Impossible-Lessons in Caregiving,” is available on Amazon or through Ibis Books at www.ibis-books.com/b/n0CJU.
Matt’s Tips
1. Take care of yourself! Even if it’s only 15 minutes a day, clear out space just for you. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help and lean into your support network.
2. Declutter your life. Pay attention to your allocation of time and eliminate the timewasters. Be intentional.
3. Stay thankful! Hopelessness and despair can take you to the bottom quickly if you don’t fight it. After we light candles and say blessings, our Shabbat ritual involves all of us talking about what we are thankful for.
4. Have faith. Science doesn’t always have the answers, so sometimes you just have to make your peace with the unknowns.
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