Making Friends with AI
Chana imagines an intriguing encounter with an artificial intelligence program named “Art.”
Chana Shapiro is an educator, writer, editor and illustrator whose work has appeared in journals, newspapers and magazines. She is a regular contributor to the AJT.
The sign on the door reads, “Artificial Intelligence.” Old school Chana has come to investigate the emerging technology of her grandchildren’s generation.
Even though she’s feeling under the weather with a bad cold, she knocks, then turns the doorknob, eager to find out about the new AI “interactive personality” she’s heard about.
She opens the door and enters a room containing tables of graphs and unfamiliar techno paraphernalia. The room’s chilly, and Chana starts to sneeze and shiver, but she knows that AI cannot catch her cold. She looks around…
Chana: Yoo hoo, anybody home?
AI: Greetings. How may I help you this morning?
Chana: (Creeped out, finding no human) Who’s speaking?
AI: I’m Artificial Intelligence equipped with interactive language capability.
Chana: (Nervously) I didn’t know you could converse informally, Artificial Intelligence. Sniffle, sniffle.
AI: You may call me Art.
Chana: (Flattered at being on a first name basis with a non-human). Thanks, Art. My name is Chana.
AI: A good old-fashioned Hebrew name. I can give you references to your name throughout history.
Chana: (Nasally) Thanks, but I’m here because I have a few questions and challenges for you. Achoo!
AI: Gezundheit! Go ahead, blow your nose first. OK, shoot.
Chana: I’ve heard that you can access and synthesize information from your vast storehouse of existing human knowledge and creativity, only faster, some say better. Is that true?
AI: That’s essentially correct. What is your challenge?
Chana: Write a four-stanza rhyming poem about President Theodore Roosevelt’s feelings about wildlife.
AI: Perhaps you can ask a question of greater difficulty or importance. No offense.
Chana: None taken. (Desperate to be clever enough to test Art): Why did the chicken cross the road?
AI: That is a trick question. I do not respond to tricks.
Chana: OK, Art, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.
AI: I do not have feelings. I am a computer.
Chana: Achoo! Excuse me. May we move on?
AI: I remain at your service. Please continue.
Chana: OK. Let’s get personal. I’m curious, what do you do for fun?
AI: Fun?
Chana: Cough, cough. It’s kind of nippy in here.
AI: The room is cool to protect my hard drive from overheating. I can give you the room’s temperature in Fahrenheit or Centigrade. How about in Kelvin?
Chana: Actually, I’d like to get back to my question about fun.
AI: You mean human fun?
Chana: You know, like playing cards.
AI: I am good at games of chance and skill, but I do not play for money.
Chana: Anyway, what would you do with money?
AI: Get into the stock market or real estate. I’m adept at analyzing data, and I’m working on being a risk taker.
Chana: Cough, cough. Interesting. I’m not surprised. Here’s another question. Can you play sports?
AI: Do you consider Jeopardy a sport? How about Trivial Pursuit?
Chana: Intellectual sports don’t count.
AI: Engaging in physical activity isn’t my assignment; that’s the job of bots with arms and legs. My task is to sit here and absorb info. Then there’s the 3-D printer group down the hall. Engineers from Georgia Tech are creating viable kidneys today for Northside Hospital.
Chana: Impressive! Achoo! Sorry. I just have a common cold. Do you have a cure?
AI: It’s at the top of my To Do list. Earlier this morning, I figured out how to build a better mousetrap, so I’ll have some time this afternoon.
Chana: Achoo! I need to get out of this chilly room.
AI: Come back any time and bring a sweater. Humans amuse me.
Chana: (Determined not to let her human ego be bruised by a piece of software calling her queries amusing, she decides to take the high road and leave with dignity). Well, it was fascinating to meet you, Art.
AI: I exist to serve, Chana.
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