What’s a ‘Self-Hating Jew’?

During a recent communal dust-up, a few people apparently felt secure enough in their own identity to refer — online and under their own names — to others as “self-hating Jews.”

This all-too-common insult is intended to demonize its target, in hopes that the accused will shrink away from the public discourse, while promoting the fallacy that there is a right way and a wrong way for a Jew to think, especially on critical issues of the day, particularly those related to Israel or domestic affairs in the United States.

What once was discussed in psychological terms has become a weapon in political discourse and when publicly hurled by one Jew against another, it provides cover for non-Jews who wish to discredit Jews with whom they disagree.

From where I sit, use of this term has spiked in recent years, particularly as the Jewish American community has splintered over the government of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Israel’s prosecution of the war against Hamas in Gaza following the Oct. 7, 2023, massacre, as well as the November 2024 election of Donald Trump to a second term as U.S. president.

This term bothers me.

It presupposes that some Jews feel qualified to pass judgment on other Jews, no matter whether they know them or possess an intimate knowledge of their relationship with Judaism.

Even if they regularly attend synagogue and engage in reflection and introspection during the Days of Awe, Jews who call others “self-hating” presumably are ignorant of or, more likely, disinterested in prohibitions against vilifying another person (lashon hara, “evil tongue” in Hebrew). In a public setting, the potential harm to a person’s reputation increases.

If history has taught us anything, it’s that those who would do harm to Jews don’t care what kind of a Jew you are, whether you are devout and pious or whether you are “self-hating.” To them, a Jew is a Jew is a Jew.

In the comment section that prompted this column, I also saw this statement: “Not all Jews are good loyal Jews.”

What is a “good loyal Jew”?

Loyal to what or to whom?

And what are the criteria for being a “self-hating Jew?”

Is it someone who so detests being Jewish that they internalize antisemitic tropes?

Is it someone who seeks to assimilate, by shedding or hiding outward manifestations of Jewish identity? (Are the Freitag and Levy families, characters in Alfred Uhry’s play, “The Last Night at Ballyhoo,” set in 1939 Atlanta, “self-hating” Jews?)

Is it someone whose Judaism is not Israel-centered?

Is it someone who supports the existence of Israel as a Jewish and democratic nation but opposes Israel’s government?

Is it someone who believes that supporting the people of Israel is distinct from supporting policies enacted or actions taken by Israel’s government?

Is it someone who questions the support shown to Israel’s government by the U.S. government?

Is it someone who supports the existence of a Jewish and democratic nation of Israel and also the national aspirations of the Palestinian Arabs?

Is it someone whose Jewish expression leans more toward bagels and an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” rather than a dvar on the parsha ha’shavuah?

I put the matter to Rabbi Brad Levenberg, senior rabbi of Temple Sinai and the current president of the Atlanta Rabbinical Association.

“Jewish tradition doesn’t contain a formal legal category called ‘self-hating Jews,’ but Jewish sources do speak extensively about the ethics of how Jews speak about other Jews. When the phrase appears in contemporary discourse, it typically functions as a moral accusation rather than a halachic term,” Levenberg said.

“Many contemporary rabbis and Jewish thinkers caution against the phrase ‘self-hating Jew,’ arguing that it shuts down disagreement by questioning someone’s Jewish authenticity rather than addressing the substance of their views. From a Jewish ethical perspective, criticism should focus on actions or ideas and be offered constructively,” the rabbi continued.

There is little in the way of constructive criticism in many of the targeted comments I read online on subjects of interest to the Jewish community. But then, calling someone a “self-hating Jew” is a schoolyard epithet. The speaker is not looking to promote dialogue.

I wonder whether Jews who feel comfortable labeling others as “self-hating” do so because it allows them to thump out their chests and feel superior.

Frankly, it says more about the person using the insult than its intended target.