New Children’s Book Takes on Bullying

The hero of Cindy Zeldin’s new book is not an imaginary creation, conjured out of her imagination, it’s her close friend and constant companion, a black and white Havanese dog named Lily Tova.

And although the dog is a small and gentle soul, Zeldin has given it the role of explaining a big challenge that often is a difficult and perplexing one for children — how to deal with an aggressive bully. The idea for the book came from her own experience as a psychotherapist and life coach.

“I started working on it probably a year or so ago when I realized that the world was in trouble, and children were coming to see me professionally, and they were suffering with anxiety because they were being bullied and they didn’t know what to do.”

Zeldin’s book is titled, “Lily Tova Teaches Love.” It follows Lily on a walk with her good friend, Biscuit, where they come upon another of their friends, Daisy, who is getting picked on by a very large dog named King.

When Lily tries to intervene, King growls and pushes her to the ground. When she asks why he’s being so mean, the big dog tells her that he’s the boss here and to mind her own business. A crowd of dogs gather and suggest they attack King and teach him a lesson, but Lily Tova says, “We don’t have to be mean just because King is mean.”

She advises King that if he wants other people and dogs to like him, he should be kind and to everyone. “No one likes bullies,” Lily says. “We know you don’t feel good about yourself and that is why you pick on others.” King learns his lesson and thanks his new friend. “I have never had friends before and I am so happy now,” the big dog says.

At the end of the book is a page addressed to parents and teachers that discusses the steps to take if they are concerned that a child is being bullied. It counsels that children can be taught “to respond to bullying with kindness, courage, and the confidence that they are never alone.”

The message of love and self-acceptance the book teaches, which came to Zeldin from her own professional experience as a therapist, applied not just to those who were being bullied but to those, like the big dog King, who were doing the bullying.

“What I saw when I worked with children who were bullies is that they really didn’t like themselves, they didn’t have confidence in themselves, they didn’t feel good about themselves, and something was missing in their lives. So, instead of reaching out with love and kindness, which is the purpose of this book, they reached out instead with anger and hurtfulness.”

Their behavior was clearly not what she had seen in the interactions her own dog was having with others. Over the year, Lily Tova has made what Zeldin estimates is over 500 visits as a certified therapy dog, showing by her own interactions with others how love and affection and understanding can often bring out the best in people.

Parenting experts believe that the period of middle childhood, generally from the ages 5 to 12, is an appropriate time for parents to be aware of how children are navigating social relationships and developing a sense of their own personal power.

The lesson Lily Tova teaches about love, Zeldin believes, is not just limited to these important years of personality development.

“It’s what I teach all my clients, my adult clients, too, in marriage and family therapy, which is my specialty. I try to impress on people in all their relationships, be kind to one another. If you reach out with love instead of anger and hate, the whole world changes.”

The pain in childhood, experts believe, can have serious consequences throughout a person’s life. It can be particularly damaging to young people in their adolescent years. What has frequently been termed an epidemic in teen suicides has often been blamed on the role that bullying plays in young lives. Learning how to cope, early in life, with bullying, Zeldin believes, can pay big dividends as a child matures.

“Lily Tova Teaches Love” is Zeldin’s second book about how children can deal with serious issues in their life. Four years ago, she wrote about how the COVID pandemic can impact relationships and the difference that a four-footed friend like Lily Tova can make in world that was becoming so difficult.