Your World is What You Make of It

I often thought that a mitzvah is something very special and extraordinary. That is not the case. You can do a mitzvah for very routine actions: saying good morning, serving another to eat, drink or sleep, being honest in a transaction, feeding a child, or having a guest for lunch.

Doing mitzvos avoids being self-centered. It avoids greed, lust and self-indulgence by making others a priority. Doing good for others is not to gain their esteem, but rather to respect your principles. It binds you to the people you serve. A mitzvah satisfies both you doing the mitzvah and the person receiving it. Every act of kindness does something for the person you are helping, but it also does something intangible for you.

There is an insightful story by a wise man who sat outside a gas station in his rocking chair. He greeted people who were coming into his community or just passing through. One day, a tourist happened to stop to fill up his gas tank, and he asked the old man, “What’s this community like? The old man turned to the tourist and replied, “Well, what’s your town like? The tourist said, “I’m from a town where everyone is very critical of each other. The neighbors all gossip about everyone. It’s a negative place to live. I’m sure glad I’m leaving. It’s not a cheerful place.” The old man looked at the stranger and said, “You know this community is just like that.”

An hour or so later, a family stopped for gas, and the mother went off to the bathroom. The father went over to the old man and asked, “Is this a pretty good community to live? The old man replied, “Well, what’s your town like?” The father replied,” Well, where I’m from everyone is close to each other, and they are always willing to lend their neighbors a helping hand. There’s always a hello and a thank you everywhere you go. I really hate to leave. I feel like I’m almost leaving my family. The old man replied, ‘Well, this community is just like that.

After the family left, the old man’s granddaughter came up to him and asked, “Grandpa, how come you told the first man our community was terrible and then you told the family that it was a wonderful place to live? The grandfather looked lovingly down into her granddaughter’s eyes and said, “No matter where you go, you take your own attitude with you, and that’s what makes your community terrible or wonderful.”

Before I married my wife, I was living in Columbus, Ohio with Marvin, a professor at Ohio State University. Marvin had a terrible attitude about life. He was 32 years old, wanted to marry, but never did, and thought he never would because he said the women would never marry a guy as old as he was. He thought younger women would not want him. I, on the other hand, was dating Judy and loving my situation.

One Shabbos morning, we went to services at one of the major conservative synagogues. We met the rabbi, and he introduced us to a couple then in their mid-fifties. They happened to be Israelis, and they told us about their eighteen year-old daughter. Their daughter was still in Israel and about to be drafted into the Israeli army. The girl did not want to go into the army. The parents said that we could do a mitzvah if one of us agreed to sign a betrothal document that said that either Marvin or I were to be married to their daughter.

Marvin agreed to do this without any thought other than doing a good deed. Believing he would never marry, he thought he was doing the parents a favor, so he signed the document. A few months later, the daughter arrived in Columbus, and Marvin was invited to the parent’s home to thank him, and to meet the daughter. Marvin came back to our apartment in love. The girl felt the same about Marvin, and they married six months later. This is a perfect example of the famous Jewish remark, “One good deed leads to another.” Helping others ends up helping yourself and that makes you happy.

The Sages say that each Jew should “specialize” in some particular area of mitzvahs. Choose one that you can excel doing in a credible, distinguished manner so you are praised by others. Work on performing at least one mitzvah perfectly. God gave us an abundance of mitzvas to perform at least one perfectly, so when doing a mitzvah devote 100 percent of your energy, time and concentration in doing it. Take Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin’s advice. He said, “Whatever mitzvah I was busy with at the moment was the focus of my total being.” I think I know what the old man at the gas station meant. Your attitude is what you make of it. Marvin turned his attitude around by doing one mitzvah.