Arlene Appelrouth’s Rosh Hashanah Message for 2024
Arlene Appelrouth shares her thoughts and inspiration for the Jewish New Year.
Since Oct. 7, I have experienced fear instilled by antisemitic monsters. As I approach Rosh Hashanah, I ask God to protect me, my family, and all of Israel.
Dealing with life, and the inevitable losses that come with aging requires radical acceptance which doesn’t come naturally.
We are all warriors, trying to survive in a world where the likelihood of pain and suffering are risks wherever we go.
We are forced to confront situations in the world and conditions in our bodies which are challenging.
My Achilles heel is a mood disorder. Even though pharmaceuticals and other treatments are plentiful, nothing works for me. I am l treatment resistant and been treated with everything from pills to electric shock therapy and ketamine infusions and transcranial magnetic stimulation.
A bipolar diagnosis provides a ticket to an emotional roller coaster, an unpredictable rotating kaleidoscope which spins and stops anywhere on the mood spectrum. The medical interventions sometimes transport me from depression to hypomania,
My last depression sucked the life out of me. After more than 10 months, I was ready to check out. The existential despair accompanied by cognitive paralysis left me empty and powerless. I was alone. I lost the desire to live.
Then friends suggested I go to a personal growth workshop which promised transformation and healing in a weekend.
It didn’t sound likely, but there was nothing left to try. What did I have to lose? I signed up and packed a bag for the weekend.
One of the sessions began with music. After months of not being able to feel anything, the music miraculously touched and penetrated my soul. Almost unconsciously I dropped the cloak of despair and began moving. I kept dancing.
The light came back into my eyes and I was ready to live again. Then, after a few months of reclaiming my life, I got an unexpected shock.
My vision changed. My left eye blurred and I sought medical attention. Diagnosed with macular degeneration, I was terrified by the threat of losing my eyesight. I was at a crossroads. I knew I had a choice. I could focus on my fear or celebrate and appreciate the vision I still had.
I could see myself as a victim and ask “Why me?” or thank God for waking me up. The vagaries of aging are affecting my quality of life.
I am standing on the precipice of a new year and I’m determined to be the best I can be. I had the good fortune to be in a loving marriage to an amazing man and we raised a wonderful family. My grandchildren are the apple of my eye.
As the sounds of the shofar are the harbinger of another year, I stand before the Creator of the Universe, praying for peace, good health, and a meaningful, satisfying life.
Arlene Appelrouth is a freelance writer who has contributed stories and columns to the Atlanta Jewish Times for 45 years. She’s a storyteller and teacher of writing who considers herself a flexidox Jew and outrageous older woman.
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