Attorneys Discuss Boomerang Divorce Trend

Vocal.Media (“Who Regrets Divorce the Most?”) noted 54 percent of divorced individuals regret their decision, which doesn’t necessarily result in any action. The site adds, “Divorce is like a blind box. Some people open up in rebirth, and some people fall into another abyss.”

Social media lit up recently when one of America’s richest men, Bill Gates, went on record in his autobiography stating that he regrets divorcing wife, Melinda. “Whoa,” said two local Jewish divorce/family law attorneys, Randall Kessler and David Garfinkel.

Kessler, who heads a large divorce firm, and is the author of, “Divorce: Protect Yourself, Your Kids and Your Future,” has handled some high-profile sports and rap star divorces, and said, “Gates seems to have an authentic expression of regret. It’s also an acknowledgment that she is a good person and a nice thing to say, regardless of what happened. I wish more people would admit this. There’s no shame in admitting a mistake, and if Gates can admit a mistake, why can’t the rest of us? Maybe it will show others, that it’s OK to have regrets.”

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One of Kessler’s favorite expressions is “measure twice, cut once.” He imagines Gates “measured” a few times before he “cut,” but he seems to be saying maybe “not enough.” According to Psychology Today, 10 to 15 percent of divorced couples reconcile.

Randall Kessler thinks Bill Gates’ recent admission of regretting his divorce may help others admit they made a mistake.

Garfinkel, of Levine, Smith, Coburn & Koslin, represented one party of a Jewish couple who divorced and reconciled four times, until the husband died. Another scenario is viropause: a man enters in his sixties, wildly successful and feels he can reclaim his mojo with a 24-year-old “Barbie.” Garfinkel labels it “the Gold Digger-Sugar Daddy Complex.” All seems well until he realizes she doesn’t know who Howdy Doody or The Beatles are.

He said, “Husbands can get attracted to younger women … sometimes it ‘goes south’ later.”

Kessler added, “Old jokes and cliches stick around because there’s usually some truth to them … mid-life crisis for instance. Human beings get bored; but more often what I see is that people stop going out of their way for their partner and take them for granted. The things that attracted them initially become expected and undervalued. … human beings always want more. More money, more sex, more years to live. More house, more vacations. But truly the essence of why Bill Gates’ comment seems to hit home, and why the story has had such traction, is that it embodies the old adage, ‘you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.’”

Then there’s the money. When the parties divvy up assets, then the couple remarries, she (or he) keeps the past settlement and starts over. Kessler consults, “It all starts from scratch. They can choose to sign a prenup. It seems like a good idea to keep it clean and avoid spending a lot on lawyers to disentangle their finances if they part again.”

Kessler, who has opposed such headliners as Michael Jordan and Sen. Raphael Warnock in divorce proceedings, doesn’t think money is the motivating factor.

“Divorce is rarely about money vs. finding happiness. A client once related, “It’s at least about being less miserable.”

David Garfinkel represented a spouse who divorced and reunited four times.

Garfinkel says sometimes it is about money. He represented a couple who had a 72-year marriage. “They divorced, then remarried because a child was stealing the money.”

Does the government care? Kessler laughed, “People are free to divorce, reunite, love each other, hate each other, date each other or otherwise. Some states pass laws to make it harder to split. Some require parties to be separated for a year or another period of time before divorce. Georgia doesn’t have such a requirement … on rare occasions we’ve been asked to undo a divorce. It’s difficult to do, but the sooner the better.”

He’s seen husbands and wives take back cheating spouses, or even abusive husbands or wives. He handled Nene Leake’s (Real Housewife of Atlanta) long divorce; then, she remarried her ex-husband after a very public prenuptial agreement negotiation.

Are divorces declining post-COVID? Kessler says “Nope. We have become busier and are soon adding our 19th divorce lawyer.”

However, the most recent U.S. Census reported a 27 percent decline in divorces. Who doesn’t recall Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton?