The 5785 Purim Gazette
The Atlanta Jewish Times once again welcomes esteemed world traveler and journalist Professor Essie Fresser as guest editor of The Purim Gazette.
The Pugh-Litzer prize- winning columnist for “Gussy Up” magazine, Dr. Fresser recently completed a lecture tour in which she discussed her latest book, “A Coat of Too Many Colors,” which deals candidly with her views on flamboyance.
The AJT also welcomes Professor Fresser’s daughter, fact checker Bessie Fresser Besser, and Bessie’s husband, web manager Lester Besser.
Mystery Seeds at Botanical Garden
Yodela Plotnick and Molly Coddle, researchers in Buford’s Botanical Garden’s Rare Plants Center, received an envelope of mysterious purple seeds that arrived by courier from an unidentified sender. The scientists decided not to plant the seeds on the Buford Botanical Garden’s property, fearing that the seeds might turn out to be an invasive species or even prove to be toxic. Instead, they planted the mystery seeds in a raised bed in Plotnick’s backyard, “just to see what would happen.” They named the purple-seeded future plant violetta mistericus, “Viola” for short.
Within a few months, the seeds sprouted, and the leaves of the mature plants, when rubbed, smelled like beets and repelled mosquitoes. Surprisingly, when Plotnick’s teenaged granddaughter, Trudy, tripped and fell face-first onto Viola’s maroon and aubergine leaves, her acne disappeared. Subsequently, Plotnick and Coddle contacted the CDC which agreed to research Viola’s apparently beneficial DNA. Soon, the NIH got involved. Violas were soon growing like weeds in secret government greenhouses in Potomac, Md.
With hopes of curing acne, exploring the beet connection, and eradicating mosquito-driven diseases, the NIH amped up its rigorous trials. Word of the miraculous plant leaked, and pharmaceutical and beauty product companies, with eyes on novel mosquito repellent and acne prevention product possibilities, pushed for FDA approval. Food companies sought access to Viola’s beet-hued leaf extract as a potential natural scent and dye.
Unwilling to wait years for FDA’s OK for safe acne prevention, Plotnick’s granddaughter beat the slowly moving FDA approval process by giving Viola leaves from the raised bed to classmates in time for them to become zit free by the spring prom. “It will be kind of cool,” Trudy mused, “if all my friends smell like beets on prom night.”
Rembrandt Restoration Discovery
Dr. Pripichik Zitz, director of the restoration department at Atlanta’s Hi- Ho Museum of Art, received an urgent message from a member of his staff down the hall. The restorer was repairing and cleaning a 17th century Rembrandt oil painting, a well-known portrait of an unidentified elderly Jew. Zitz rushed to the lab and breathlessly watched him slowly reveal what looked like a triangular pastry lying on the table next to the bearded gentleman in the painting. Portly Zitz, who is no stranger to ethnic pastries, immediately identified the object as a hammantash, but just to be sure, he called an expert, Rabbi Al Hans Ondeck. Ondeck confirmed Zitz’s assessment and generously returned the next day with homemade hammantashen for the restoration team (two agnostics, one atheist, one Buddhist) to reward their discovery.
The refurbished Rembrandt, renamed, “Old Jew with One Hammantash,” now hangs between an unsigned Vermeer and a minor Goya charcoal in the Old Masters gallery. Rabbi Ondeck will join Dr. Zitz to speak about the artist, the painting, and the pastry in a free gallery talk at noon on March 14.
“The Grogger Girl” Comes to Atlanta
Don’t miss Goldie Glatt’s one-woman show, “The Grogger Girl,” in which the contortionist uses noisemakers from around the world in an exuberant quasi-musical percussion performance. The cacophonous performance will be held Thursday evening, March 13, at the Ivory University music school amphitheater. Known for her unique wrist, elbow, hip, and ankle flexibility, Glatt demonstrates the charm and range of common groggers. Don’t miss the closing number in which she plays eight noisemakers with each ra’ashan and ratchet having its own part in the piece, all coming together in a stunning octet of rhythm and timbre.
New Kosher Cookbook
Purim Gazette Culture Editor, movie buff, and kosher chef, Mel Lon Balle, has written a new cookbook for his film-loving fans, “Folk Food and Fliks.” The cookbook’s table of contents lists Balle’s favorite recipes and includes terse descriptions of each dish, which he claims have been taste-tested by his five children, who are all picky eaters.
“Pulp Flanken,” a simple recipe perfect for over-chewers
“The Wolf’s Kasha of Wall Street,” NYC Financial District café’s popular side dish
“Ground Beef Day,” a collection of hamburger recipes to serve over and over
“The Silence of the Lamb Chops,” secrets of high-end caterers
“Rebel Without a Kugel,” an uncompromising chef promotes only no-carb meals
“The Eggplant Strikes Back,” baba ganoush recipe combats bloating and belching
“Gone With the Whitefish,” deli owner’s wife robs display case when she leaves him
“Monty Python and the Holy Gribbenes,” Michael Palin’s worshipful obsession with fried chicken fat
“Meatballs on the Orient Express,” comfort food to bring on a luxury train trip
“To Sir, With Loaves,” Challah recipes fit for British royalty
SCARF Purim Hat Exhibit
The current exhibit at SCARF, (Atlanta’s branch of the Savannah College of Art, Reflexology, and Fashion), “Purim’s Three-Cornered Hat,” is an exploration of couture triangular headwear designed for luminaries and aristocrats who attended Ivanka Trump’s 2024 Purim party. Responding to Judaism’s mocking of Haman’s haberdashery choice (legend claims that the Purim villain wore a hat with three corners), the SCARF show features 50 custom head coverings, all of them on loan from the Smithsonian Museum’s permanent “Party Hats” exhibit. Standouts are an ostrich feather chapeau from Dior, a sequined fringed “bijou” from Valentino, and a faux fur tricorn from Alexander McQueen.
Matzah Factory Moving to Atlanta After Purim
Crumbfree Matzah of Hoboken has retrofitted an empty warehouse in downtown Atlanta. The business plans to start producing custom Passover matzoh immediately after Purim.
The idea for New Jersey’s original Crumbfree Matzah was conceived after complaints from cousins Maybelle Meyerowitz and Toots Belchfrau, who expressed their displeasure on an all-you-can-eat Passover cruise with their husbands. The women complained endlessly about omnipresent matzah crumbs falling all over and sticking to their custom cruise wear. Exhausted by his wife’s kvetching, Matisyahu (“just call me Matt”) Meyerowitz presciently declared, “Enough, already! Somebody needs to invent matzah that doesn’t crumble!” Combining knowledge from his Cal Tech degree in edible adhesives and Baruch (“just call me Bo”) Belch’s interest in two-ingredient foods, the duo launched an ambitious plan to provide world Jewry with a flour-and-water quick-bake flatbread that would not leave crumbs. Years of trial and error led to the successful establishment of the Crumbfree Matzah factory and a subsequent appearance of its owners on “Fifteen Minutes.”
Their burgeoning matzah business led the owners to dream big. The Purim Gazette has learned that they intend to produce a limited run of another innovation, prune-infused matzah, on separate non-Passover equipment. “We know that our fans would especially appreciate matzah with built-in prune bits for their seders, but we’re stuck to the two-ingredient rule,” Meyerowitz explained to a gaggle of reporters. Crumbfree’s prune matzah will be produced following the expected Passover seder rush. “Prune matzah will definitely be our biggest seller,” Belch declared, with a wink. Crumbfree Matzah will start taking orders April 1, 2025.
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